Walk a while in Mary Sojourner’s shoes (She Bets Her Life: A True Story of Gambling Addiction) and you’ll quickly realize what a slippery slope gambling addiction is – especially for women. Written from personal experience, the book is at all times brutally honest, and alternately funny, heartbreaking, warm and wise. The author takes readers through her first forays to the casinos, giving a first-hand account of what drew her to the neon lights in the desert, but the story is much more than just Sojourner’s tale of slipping into compulsive gambling. It’s also the story of fellow women gambles that, like Sojourner, came to the realization that they had to quit gambling, they were in trouble, and they couldn’t quit on their own.
These women are known as Scheherazade’s Sisters. They are an actual group of Arizona women gamblers who are doing their best each day to be abstinent – and rely on the support and encouragement of the other women in the group when they feel the cravings and urges drawing them back to the casino like the tide going out. The pull is relentless, almost overwhelming, but the gentle group peer pressure helps the tormented woman find her own well of inner strength – enough, in most cases, so that she can resist.
Sojourner writes in her User’s Guide that the book is for women who find themselves trapped in compulsive gambling. Whether it is blackjack, poker, bingo, slot machines, keno, lottery tickets, craps, online gambling sites – or anything else that you can place a wager on – you will be able to find yourself in the pages of this book. Perhaps you are desperate to learn more about women who gamble because you suspect or know that your wife, mother, sister, friend or coworker is either a problem or compulsive gambler. Sojourner’s book will be an eye-opener for you as well.
What’s it like to be a woman who’s a compulsive gambler? Like any other addiction, compulsive gambling is unique to the individual. And women who gamble compulsively are a different lot than male compulsive gamblers. Men are mostly action gamblers, while women are primarily escape gamblers. According to the National Council on Problem Gambling, an estimated 2 million adults in the United States (1 percent of the adult population) meet the criteria for pathological (compulsive) gambling in a given year. Another 4 to 6 million (2 to 3 percent) would be considered problem gamblers – that is, they don’t meet the full diagnostic criteria for pathological gambling but they do meet one or more of the criteria and are experiencing problems as a result of their gambling.
Women, Sojourner notes, make up the fastest growing group of gamblers seeking help for problem gambling. Since women who gamble gravitate toward the slots, video poker, bingo, and Internet gambling, they develop their addiction faster than male action gamblers who bet their money at the tables, roulette or sports betting. A slot machine or video poker addict can become hooked in just a year or two. Action play can progress to gambling addiction in 10 to 15 years.
Who are these women gamblers? They’re your neighbors, friends, co-workers, wives, sisters, daughters and granddaughters. While men who become compulsive gamblers generally begin gambling in their teens, women generally drift toward gambling when they’re older. The kids may be in school, or fully grown. The woman may be retired, semi-retired, or a hard-working careerist, part-time employee, self-employed, or a homemaker. Gambling, like other addictions, knows no socio-educational boundaries, nor racial, political, religious or ethnic ones. Any woman can be a compulsive gambler – some, more likely than others. How is that? As Sojourner points out, some of us are born with a genetic predisposition that makes us vulnerable to the lure of gambling.
The rush that gamblers feel when they hit it big – or small – or even the anticipation of the win or walking through the doors of the casino is the release of dopamine in the brain. And, as any gambling addict knows, that feeling is pure pleasure. Forget about the problems of the day. Who cares about the overdrawn ATM, the pile-up, past-due bills? In the state of heightened anticipation of the big win, none of that matters. It’s just me and the slot and that non-stop nirvana of kaleidoscope dancing lights and colors and sounds and excitement of the casino. So it goes for the woman gambler who’s lost herself to her addiction.
Eventually, the reality becomes too much for many women gamblers. Their husbands leave, they lose their kids, the house is foreclosed, they may even embezzle or resort to stealing – after they’ve drained their bank accounts and sold everything that wasn’t nailed down in the house. Listen to the stories of Scheherazade’s Sisters and learn about their personal journeys to gambling addiction.
Sojourner weaves her own story adroitly among those of the other women, and she inserts facts along the way. You don’t even realize that a statistic is coming before it hits you – just at the right moment to emphasize the point of the particular chapter. Think about the big business of gambling for a minute, and you’ll be walloped upside the head with the marketing and public relations aspects of gambling in this country. Nothing is left to chance (pun intended) in the carefully crafted strategy to get you into the casinos – and stay there. Just get them to sit down – that’s all it takes. Once you’re in, you’re hooked – one way or another.
Of course, the idea of quitting occurs to women gamblers a lot. Most likely, it rises like the morning sun after a night of gambling. Tomorrow, I’ll quit, the woman tells herself. But tomorrow there’ll be another excuse. It’s easier that way. Besides, how can I live without gambling? It’s the only fun I have, the only time I feel really alive. It’s when I’m the boss of me – and no one else can tell me what to do.
Do these words sound familiar? If so, you may be a problem or compulsive gambler. But, don’t take my word for it. Delve into Sojourner’s book. It’s a quick read, and you can skip around to just about any chapter and dive in. Every page contains something memorable.
What about wanting to quit – and go through with it? Yes, it can be done. But, don’t expect it to be easy. There’s something about compulsive gambling and women that grips our souls like nothing else. Here’s what Sojourner writes in Chapter 10, The Slip: “There is no gradual giving up for the true gambling addict. There is only cold turkey, maybe once, maybe as many times as it takes. And most women in gambling recovery cannot do cold turkey alone.”
Besides being an entertaining read, the book also includes resources where you can find help for problem or compulsive gambling, along with a selected list of books.
