Some addicted batterers are sabotaged in substance treatment by their victims because they may be less dangerous when intoxicated. While this is certainly not always the case, and while many batterers are significantly more dangerous when using substances, there are some batterers who become more “sedated” when using. Partners who resist substance treatment for addicted batterers may “enable” the addicted partner as a way to be safe from harm. In fact, “enabling” may actually involve a concerted effort to “sedate” a batterer. Partners of addicted batterers may provide substances and share in substance use in an attempt to better manage volatile situations. In this way, enabling becomes part of the victim’s safety plan.
Active participation in a substance treatment program can also be a time of increased danger for victims of addicted partners who become more volatile when sober. When a batterer leaves substance treatment prematurely the risk of domestic violence can be significantly increased and more dangerous. Addicted batterers who have not completed treatment are unstable due to withdrawal symptoms. They are more sensitive to stress and more likely to act out.
Some partners of addicted batterers find themselves in a no-win situation when the batterer stays in treatment. Since programs encourage family participation, the risk of “upsetting” the batterer in therapy perpetuates the domestic violence cycle. Batterers blame their victims for the violence and victims often assume responsibility for it. Domestic violence is not treated in couple’s therapy for this reason. Another reason domestic violence is not treated in couple’s therapy is that the therapy sessions themselves become justifications for later episodes of battering. For example, some programs encourage partners to openly discuss the negative impact of substance use and to confront inappropriate behavior and denial. Such “appropriate” participation in the family portion of substance treatment programs can endanger the physical safety of the addicted batterer’s partner.
Families of domestic violence should fully inform the staff of substance treatment programs about their history of violence since substance treatment and early return to family life can be times of high and serious risk. Families should also ask treatment programs to individualize services in order to honor safety needs. While substance recovery is a primary need, it is dangerous to defer safety issues since risks can significantly increase in early treatment and early abstinence. Partners should also pursue domestic violence services while the addicted batterer is in treatment and newly sober to create a plan for safety in managing substance treatment or for exiting the relationship.
