It’s not something most of us who are fortunate to have happy and well-adjusted families, but for the children of alcoholics, just getting through each day can be a descent into Dante’s inferno. The truth is that there are an estimated 25 percent of all children in the U.S. that are directly affected by or exposed to an alcohol problem in the family.

It’s time to shine a spotlight on those children of alcoholics and honor them during Children of Alcoholics Week, February 12-18, 2012.

Children May Hide Their Suffering, But That Doesn’t Make It Go Away

The really tragic aspect of children living in an alcoholic family is that they don’t get the opportunity to experience a normal childhood. Too often, they have to grow up much too fast, to become parents to their own parents who are too self-destructive to get by on their own.

But the real tear-jerker is how much these children of alcoholics suffer. Listen to what Sis Wenger, executive director, National Association for Children of Alcoholics (NACoA), has to say about this: “One particularly difficult feature of family alcoholism is that many of the children hide their suffering quite well. They have picked up habits of denial and social withdrawal that their parents have modeled for them. Too often, we do not approach them and offer them the information and support they need. But by pretending to ignore their situations, we send the message that their feelings or concerns are not important.”

Brutal Facts

Research shows that children in homes where alcoholism is present are more likely than children in homes without such problems to develop serious problems of their own. Children of alcoholics, called COAs, are actually two to four times more likely to develop a problem with alcohol or drugs than others.

Other research shows that a combination of factors account for the increased alcohol risk for COAs, including the possibility of an inherited genetic vulnerability to addiction; poor role modeling; poor family communication; and the stresses of living in a family devoid of stability, predictability, and clearly defined, consistent and appropriate roles for all family members.

Hope with Intervention, Support and Treatment

When COAs receive supportive interventions by caring adults, they appear to be resilient. Despite the heightened risk they have living in an alcoholic family environment, as long as they have support, many often do not fall into problems with substance abuse.

Even if the alcoholic family member or members does receive treatment, the children of the alcoholics also need help trying to cope with the situation. Also, even if the adult or parent(s) in the household do not receive treatment for substance abuse, children and other family members can benefit from other sources of support, such as Al-Anon or Alateen.

What You Can Do

The most important message that caring adults can give to COAs is that they are not responsible for the problems of the adults they are living with at home. They also need to know and be shown that there is help available to them and how to get it. Their lives don’t have to be the dead-end downward spiral that their parents or legal guardians are currently on.

Be available to listen to the COAs. Discuss their feelings, share interests, as well as support their efforts to make friends outside the home. Healthy relationships will provide a more stabilizing element that these COAs so desperately need.

Tell them that they are not alone, that there are responsible adults that can and will help them so that they can grow up and lead healthy, satisfying and productive lives. Also let them know that millions of other children of alcoholics have had similar experiences and, thanks to support of caring adults, have gone on to lead happier lives.

Definitely encourage these COAs to ask for help. Reassure them that by asking for help, they are not showing weakness at all. Instead, they are demonstrating that they are strong and courageous and are willing to take the first step to healing.